Paperweight

I cried my way through the second half of this book. I don't have an eating disorder, but I do have a chronic disease (MS) that first manifested soon after the death of a loved one, as is similarly the case with Stevie, the main character in this book. Other reviewers have commented that this book is liable to trigger an emotional response, and I agree. For me, that's not a bad thing. I actually found it cathartic to liberate all the pent-up emotions I didn't realize I still had within me after 10 years. This book reads like a diary, though it is fiction. It tells the story of Stevie, a 17-year-old bulimic who is sent to an eating disorder treatment center in a New Mexico desert. She is secretly planning to commit suicide on the 1-year anniversary of her brother's death. The characters and the dialogue are so true to life, probably because the author is herself an eating disorder survivor and a therapist, and yet the plot is not oppressive and heavy. It moves quickly; I finished it in 2 days.

This dark, honest book is the story of Stevie, a 17-year-old struggling with an eating disorder and convinced that the only way she can atone for past mistakes is by killing herself on the anniversary of her brother’s death. When her dad checks her into a treatment center, the anniversary is 27 days away, so Stevie knows she won’t make it through the full treatment. In fact, in the beginning, she refuses to believe that she needs help—in her mind, the only solution to the pain she’s shoved away inside is for her to die. Needless to say, Paperweight is not a light-hearted contemporary. It is not a book to be picked up lightly. And yet, it’s the most realistic portrayal of not only anorexia/bulimia, but of pure, self-hating, suicidal depression that I’ve ever encountered. By immersing the reader inside Stevie’s perspective, alternating the present day treatment center narrative with memories of what led her down this road in the first place, Meg Haston shows how eating disorders are about so much more than food, and adds a mystery element that builds suspense throughout. This is also one of those rare books where not a single sentence is wasted, where the gorgeous language itself is enough to keep you reading. A big reason this is 5 stars for me is the honesty with which Haston portrays the recovery process. It’s so easy to write a story about someone who goes from totally suicidal to totally “fixed” by the end of the story—but be warned, Paperweight is not that story. Rather, Haston writes the honest truth about recovery: it’s a long, brutal road, filled with temptations, because eating disorders (and depression) are not something that can be “cured” like the flu. While this might sound horribly depressing, it’s honestly refreshing to someone who’s struggled with depression for the better part of 10 years—because it’s true. You get better slowly, and sometimes you end up getting worse again and having to start all over, but it’s better than nothing because you’re alive. Books like this go a long way toward destigmatizing what it’s really like to live with a mental illness, not just “suffer” from one and then get better. full disclosure: This book could be very triggering if you’re struggling with depression, self-harm/suicidal thoughts, or an eating disorder. Mostly, I recommend this book to folks who’ve never struggled with depression or eating disorders. Read this with an open mind, allow yourself to feel what Stevie feels, and you’ll be a lot closer to understanding what these disorders really do to a person.

Stevie has problems. Ranging from her mother abandoning her, blaming herself for her brothers death, and anorexia. Her father sends her to a treatment facility to get better, but she already has plans to off herself on the 1 yr anniversary of her brothers death. This book focuses on such heavy topics but the writing style is so easy. I was shocked to find how moved I was by the end. The last scene was wonderful and had me in tears. I was so attached to these characters, especially Stevie. This is a story of healing, forgiveness, and finding your worth. I never dealt with an eating disorder, but I found myself relating to Stevie as far as self esteem and worth goes. I highly reccomend this book. It only lacks one star because again, easy writing style. As great as this was, I wish it dug just a little bit deaper. As far as pain and suffering and starvation and binging and purging... i felt a lot of feels, but i wanted to feel more.

The book came undamaged and is super good!

I have a lot of feeling surrounding "Paperweight," and most of them aren't great. Sure, the premise is compelling and eye-catching if you have a knack for reading books about mental health and/or eating disorders, but, as someone who lives with mental health and eating related issues, I can firmly say the novel falls flat. As another reviewer stated, you can always tell who has written about eating disorders from personal experience, and who has written from an observational lens. Indeed, this novel is grounded in the foundation of the latter. What struck me most about "Paperweight" was the overt stereotypical formulation of each of the main characters. The protagonist, Stevie, virtually has no character development until the end of the novel. With each chapter (journal entry), I found myself thinking, "Okay, I've read this far, this must be the chapter where Stevie has some kind of inner development!" Alas, entry to entry, I was let down. She's cold--unrealistically cold--to herself, her treatment team, and the other girls she's acquainted with while in treatment. In particular, it was difficult to legitimize her harshness to her main therapist ("Shrink" as she's referred to); as someone who's been there (late teens, in treatment), Stevie's behavior towards Shrink is simply far-fetched. When you're in treatment, and you see someone giving a damn about you, you latch onto them, particularly if they could reasonably double as a peer (as it seems is Stevie/Shrink's dynamic); you don't constantly make them feel inferior and/or push them away. Unfortunately, this unrealistic dynamic extends into the relationships of Stevie and the other characters as well, which made "Paperweight" annoying to read at times. There are some bright spots in the novel, like the crafted sentences that are dying to be made into Pinterest pins or inked into wrist tattoos. However, these alone cannot bear the weight of a novel about issues so heavy, yet written to feel so shallow, as "Paperweight" manages to do.

“We are all a collection of lost causes, stashed here so no one has to see just how wounded we are.” “I only know this way of being, not quite alive, not quite dead. Not quite.” “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” • ~ • ~ • ~ • Wonderfully written, wonderfully developed, wonderfully told, wonderfully enjoyed. Knowing the power in debilitating pain so overwhelming that just to escape it for even a moment you are willing to physically destroy yourself is to recognize, remember & relate to the characters, storylines, darkness, self-deprecating, self-destruction that these three stories so accurately potrayed, detailed & expressed. Outstanding excellence putting words to the unexplainable that expresses the unfathomable & unimaginable for those who haven't been there themselves.

Definitely a very challenging read. The realness and authenticity to it was almost too much to bear at some points, but because of its realness and depth it was an amazing read. The writing was very well put together and the entire story was a beautiful masterpiece. Highly recommend this book.

Fairly well-written account of teenaged girl filled with sadness and angst. Why is it that most teen girls (including me 60 years ago) believe we caused all our family troubles? Every one of her problems could be applied to so many situations. Her reasons for her Bulimia and Anorexia can easily be swapped out for whatever any teen girl is suffering. While all teen girls will not try so hard to erase herself, these problems are common to most.