Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life

When negotiating -- Do you want to be right or be persuasive? Do you want to win or to meet your goals? Do the goals justify the means? How do you deal with someone who has more power or is being a bully? How do you deal with someone who is weaker? "Getting More" attempts to help you address these issues for yourself. Initially I was reluctant to read this book because it was presented to me as collection of underhanded manipulation techniques. At least the first story in it appears to be manipulative, but as I read further on, I realized that this is the best book on interpersonal communication and negotiation I have come across. What makes this book so different is that it successfully combines best ideas found in books on (1) negotiation, (2) social psychology, (3) personal growth. The concepts are based on common sense, requiring conscious effort and practice. There are no tricks. Recently, I was able to get a two day request done on the spot in five minutes without having to plead or threaten. The main idea is to recognize the fact that most of the time you can't force your will on others and if you do, it will be only be a momentary advantage with some form of retribution to follow in the future. It will always be very expensive. An extreme case would be a psychopath always finding a new victim. Dictators fall into that category. If you are not one of those, you will find that persuading a person to willingly cooperate will get better results for both, even in situations where you don't like or trust each other. For many, it may sound counterintuitive since we are often taught that competition is the principle rule of nature, i.e. it is survival of the fittest. We instinctively feel that to get anything, to achieve, one has to struggle to win, lose, or draw. The author repeatedly makes a point that this frame of mind generally results in poor outcomes, especially when the two parties have repeated interactions. One memorable quote was "Life is not a sports game. In sports, it is expected that one side will lose". I would replace "is not" with "doesn't have to" because competition is as much a part of life as cooperation. Some examples provided in the book describe situations where an effort to cooperate has an implicit competitive agenda. For example, satisfying mutual interests in an interview, or a business transaction, in effect locks out a `silent' third candidate. The advantage a person can have over another candidate is simply being a better communicator. That in itself is viewed as the greatest asset in variety of partnerships. So how does one get an adversary to cooperate? Just as with "How does one get to Carnegie Hall?" it is "Practice, practice, practice". For example, you have to become perceptive of the other person's state of mind, their needs and obligations. An individual often will become more receptive if he or she feels being heard and understood and not just being talked to. Some people a born with such skill but all can improve it thru every day casual interactions. The key is not to be lazy. People will cooperate simply because you show them respect or bring in a third party they obliged to respect, or recognize and empathize about an unrelated troubling issue. Another way of getting someone to work with you is to present the problem in a form of a fair trade, a deal, instead of a tug of war. Items to be traded many not even be on the negotiating table at the start and need to be discovered in the process. The book covers examples on dealing with negotiation "bullies" by pinning them against their own standards. People with lots of leverage often have to oblige some higher authority or standards, and even their own standards to appear to be consistent. On the other hand, the book warns not to use power carelessly. Because the techniques discussed can be can be misused, the author often warns to be prudent, just as one should be with a sharp knife. He defines manipulation as an action that at some point makes a person feel cheated or abused. There are cases where using these methods would be very challenging because they would require changing the `game' or breaking old habits. For example, the primary purpose of a political debate is to come up with the winner, not to solve an issue. Even when the winner is chosen, he or she must continue to wrestle with the opposition to maintain control. The `war' process is continuous and hence there is no time or room for constructive negotiations that would produce solutions. On a personal level, a couple going through a bitter divorce would rather strangle each other than try to empathize. In such contentious cases, to secure a `win', the opposing sides escalate by building up their armies with supporters, lawyers, and advisers. It often becomes a bitter and expensive war of attrition. The only hope of utilizing the concepts in the book in such cases is introduction a skillful mediating neutral third party. There are over a million lawyers in US. How many of them provide non-partisan negotiation services? This book is only as effective as your sphere of influence, which includes your family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and anyone you directly interact with. The premise is not to `take more' from others. It is `getting more' needs satisfied by both parties in a fair trade, and `get more' accomplished in your life.

"Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World: by Stuart Diamond presents his "12 invisible strategies that change everything you thought you knew about negotiating." Diamond, who is an internationally recognized negotiation expert and award-winning professor of the famed negotiation course at Wharton Business School, has written one of the most practical and enjoyable negotiation books I've read in a long time. I really like this book. I like it so much that I used a copy as a give-a-way when I spoke on black belt strategies to break impasse at the Northwest Dispute Resolution Conference in Seattle, WA, earlier this month. If you are looking to "get more" from your negotiations, this is a book to read, learn from, and implement the strategies into your every day dealings. This is not jus a simple little book with a few "rules" or "guidelines," but rather a dense text of nearly four hundred pages of concrete strategies and real life examples of how the strategies have been used by numerous students of Diamond's classes. But before you get scared away by my calling this book a dense text of nearly 400 pages, be assured that it is easy and enjoyable to read. Additionally, it is very practical. That's one of the things I liked the most about this book. It isn't a college text book of theory, but rather a book of common sense and practical advice on negotiating in numerous every day situations. If one could criticize the book at all, it would be that some of the strategies seem simple and are common sense. So why don't people use them more? I don't know, but read this book, use them, and get more. Seriously, you will. You'll also find you get along better with people and just might enjoy your interactions with others more too. The book doesn't just present a bunch of negotiation "tricks." It provides sounds advice on communicating with others to help you get what you want, or at least more of what you want. It really is a book on interacting with others, which essentially is what negotiation is. We are always negotiating, the difference is if we do it well or not. This book will help you do it well. And not only will you get more, but when achieving your goals, you will help others too. The chapters on standards and trading things of unequal value are excellent. The examples throughout the book make the lessons real, and illustrate how they can be done. I've been teaching and writing about negotiation and mediation for a long time, and I learned a lot from this book. It has changed some of the things I teach. I encourage anyone who wants to improve their interactions with others and "get more" to read this book. Reviewed by Alain Burrese, J.D., author of a regular column on negotiation for The Montana Lawyer.

"How to Get What You Want'" by Professor Stuart Diamond, which has been rated as the most popular lecture at Wharton School for 13 consecutive years, has been published as a book. It is a legendary, highly acclaimed lecture that has held the honor of being the most popular for 13 consecutive years within Wharton's unique system of auctioning classes using points given upon admission. This lecture introduces thorough methodologies on 'how' to get what you want. However, its approach to methodology is on a different level from existing specialized books on persuasion, speaking, or negotiation. This book is a so-called 'lecture to read' that faithfully conveys the lecture itself.

To start, let me say a few words about Stuart as a teacher. I am a student of his in Wharton School where he taught negotiation. Much of the book content is based on course material. Prof.Diamond is an extremely engaging teacher, he makes this negotiation stuff go live in front of you. The class is so well received that for years it has been ranked as one of the best courses offered at Wharton based on amount of learning, difficulty of the content, and usefulness of the material. After the course, I bought a kindle version of the book. It obviously lacks the energy come with his class interactions, but it gives you the same set of tools and it's a convenient way to invite Stuart to your living room! Prof.Diamond approaches negotiation from a distinctive angle. He does not start with win-win or BATNA, in fact he hates these concepts. Stuart believe we should start with our partner: what he wants and how that emotional piece plays into his willingness to agree to your own proposal. In a way, I believe he consider negotiation as an arm-length trasaction, at the right price, there is always a buyer, but the tricky part is that you don't always know what the other party wants and what he has to offer. Too many negotiation books emphasize what you get and what you pay, hence the paradigm of win-lose or BATNA. This book promotes the concept that you must first understand the nature of the transaction. The reason behind your partner's resistence may have nothing to do with what you want! Once you start to look things differently, additional dimentions open up and chances to land on a good solution increase. Another thing I like about the book is that all tools are ethically nuetral. No cheating, no distortion, no gaming. The book takes on a view that all negotiation are long term, and one can not succeed in long run if perceived to be dishonest. As a consequence, some deals can not be made, so be it, but these tools increases the chance. Use the analogy of baseball the book says "if you are 280 hitter...and you get one extra hit every nine games, you become a .310 hitter...that's worth in a spot in hall of fame and $10 million more a year in compensation." You will be handsomely rewarded if you ground your expectation along the line of "one more hit in nine games". One word of caution, if you want to be good at using the tools in the book, you must practice. During class we were asked to negotiate with daily purchases and see if the tools can bring in discounts or extra offers. Like any art form, practice is the only way to perfection.

Stuart Diamond wrote an informative, easy-to-understand negotiation book. He provides numerous examples to clarify his points. Furthermore, he stresses many points over several chapters so that readers appreciate the nuances and importance of those points. Regardless of whether you are new to negotiation or are looking for a refresher, I highly recommend Diamond’s book.

When I started reading this book, I had no idea how much was about to change. Let's get the obvious stuff out of the way. Yes, using the model got me more in the big negotiations of my life. When negotiating my new job, I got the bonus, start date, vacation days, and salary I was looking for. Plus I saved a few thousand bucks on a recent move, a few thousand bucks on the deposit for the apartment, a thousand bucks on a vacation, five thousand bucks for unused time on the lease, et cetera. That in itself adds up to a lot of money saved. I'd be a very happy customer if the benefits had stopped there. But here are the three things you really need to know about this book. First: The model is instantly applicable; you don't need to commit to long study and big changes before you see results. Here's an example: say I read a chapter in the morning and go about my day. An hour later, I have a team member saying they're going to miss a deadline. I think, "I wonder what would happen if I used that technique from this morning's chapter right now." I try it. The team member finds a way to meet the deadline. I think, "Heck, maybe I should have read two chapters." Second: You may not know it, but we spend much of our waking lives in small or incremental negotiations, and this book will teach you to get a better outcome every time. I get better handling from the landlord, coworkers, restaurant staff, airline personnel, the dry cleaner, other drivers in traffic jams. My relationships with my spouse and friends are richer. My kids do what I ask them to do (more often, not always). My coffee gets made the way I like it. Everything just works out better. Third: You don't have to be a jerk to use these techniques. In fact, being a jerk is counterproductive. The book is about looking at the whole negotiation process in a different light, paying attention to things other people miss. A little tweak here, a gentle touch there, and bam: you get more. Often, other people get more too. They like that. The whole process feels good for everybody. Bottom line: yeah, the book saved me a pile of money, but I'd heard the stories at business school and already expected that. What I didn't expect was getting more of the stuff that money can't buy. If I could only have one business book, this would be it. This guy is the real deal.

Getting More is marketed as a negotiation skills book and rightfully so. As such it is excellent. It is presented in a clear, logical and easy to understand manner, filled with examples illustrating the principles and easy to relate to one's personal and work lives as well as to the world at large. I recommend it to everyone I meet. Even more important than recommending this as a negotiation book, I recommend it as a "life skills" book. Professor Diamond's approach to problem solving where other people are involved is the type of life skill seldom taught in a structured way either in homes or to young people in school. The ability to collaborate and resolve differences in the way Stuart teaches can profoundly change the trajectories of people's lives. It gives anyone who learns and uses these tools the ability to get better relationships, more business, career enhancement, etc. because everyone gets more out of a successful negotiation. (Frankly, more of the world's politicians should use this approach.) If we learn and apply these concepts as adults, we can also teach our kids. If our kids don't want to learn from us, hopefully they can learn from mentors, schools, etc. I certainly wish I had learned these concepts/skills as a teenager. What a difference it would have made to my self confidence, thoughts about career choices, dealing with family issues, etc. It's great that the book is now in paperback. I travel a lot and like to have it with me for inspiration and for showing people, including many non native English speakers and people in the developing world. It's useful to show the book as many of these people are doubtful about reading something lengthy, not to mention something which is not in their native language. I tell them if they can read the first few pages and like it, they will easily read the book and they can change their lives. I love the fact the book is as readable by non corporate types as by lawyers, managers and other business professionals.

As a professional negotiator, I found Professor Diamond's book very useful in providing a framework for organizing commonly used tools in negotiations (setting goals, preparing, making lists, empathizing, exchanging items of unequal value-to name a few). He suggests a quadrant or 12 step method which I find good in disciplining my mind as a checklist when negotiating different items. Diamond stresses empathy (which he calls "seeing the picture in the other side's mind") and valuing as key elements for a successful negotiation. In order to successfully fulfill these functions, one must prepare and get to know the other party. Diamond uses numerous examples to emphasize the elements of his system to generally good effect. The writing style is also engaging while maintaining a professional tone. However, this book is desperately in need of editing and there are points where the author reveals a distracting amount of egotism. The most glaring example is when he discusses a transaction and writes "even my assistant" could do the math. Diamond should think about the picture in the assistant's mind of his or her value to him after this comment before he put it into writing. Additionally, there is the incessant name dropping and stating what people have become. Often times this comes off as attributing their success in life primarily or exclusively to his system. Diamond also repeatedly tells the reader what "Getting More" will do for them throughout the book. This constant reminding is superfluous and should be deleted. Finally, the book repeats itself with certain stories and quotes, Reagan's "Trust, but verify" is repeated twice. Overall, I highly recommend the book because, when it is at its best (the first 170 pages) it provides a useful tool in both personal and professional situations. The last 200 pages diminish a bit the strong beginning.

Just finished reading this book. Diamond provides a common sense method to negotiation that anyone can employ, and tailor it to any situation, whether in high-stakes career dealings or day to day encounters. Lots of issue-specific examples and advice that hammers home the method throughout the book that it becomes second-nature. I find myself testing out and using the ideas and methods in many situations already.

Ricco di esempi e aneddoti (qualche centinaio). Veramente ben scritto, con un taglio pratico. Offre una prospettiva sulla negoziazione diversa rispetto agli altri libri in commercio. Lo consiglio vivamente.

Tengo este libro en versión en español y ahora compré la versión original para no perderme detalle. Debería ser de lectura obligatoria en las escuelas. Efectividad total de lo que explica cuando lo aplicas.

Some books are you take take them in a hand and kill it overnight- even non fictions! Some are like you process, bit by bit every night and execute the following day. Getting more falls in latter and going to stay forever. You probably know it all the time what you wanted and how you can get it rationally. But in real practical world, it slips.. this guy gives super handy formulas to stay course and play with humans- it works, every single day. Tons of stories and you might easily feel overwhelmed, but take a break and keep reading - and you're sure to get the gold! Ps- I bought the other version of the book that had two bunnies on the cover but this version is probably the revised publication

Very good book, highly recommend