Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Paperback – International Edition, January 1, 2018

saved me grief and kept me from causing others grief. Dare to Lead is for everyone, not just professional leaders, because everything in this book applies to families and other groups. As Brené states, “I define a leader as anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.” In fact, Dare to Lead would be a wonderful resource or curriculum for a required high school class. There is SO much incredible insight, wisdom, and advice that my brain is tired, and it’s been havoc on my tear ducts multiple times.We all belong to groups, whether it’s at work, in social and community groups or clubs, etc., as members or leaders. And while this book is primarily aimed at leaders in the workplace, any group member would benefit from this knowledge and advice. Over the years, my groups have included my family of origin, my family from marriage, educational groups, event groups, competitive groups, etc. I have always been a good worker, boss, teacher, and leader of different groups. But “good” leaves a lot of leeway for the fact that a few times I have really screwed up in the very ways that Brené discusses. I look back and there were times that my perfectionism, my black-and-white rule-following, and my tendency to sometimes rush to judgement really hurt people. Not to mention, my shame affected my leadership.As I read Dare to Lead, I kept flashing to situations in my past and a couple of people I would really like to go back apologize to, one lady in particular. (Well, really, I want to travel back in time and not screw up to begin with, but sadly that’s just a fantasy.) A bit of background: I was raised in a very abusive family, physically and emotionally. My family of origin’s modus operandi was to judge, criticize, and belittle each member constantly. Mistakes and weaknesses were never forgiven, but held up, mocked, and laughed about over and over, on top of physical and emotional abuse.Armed with self-help books (yes, my family mocks my reliance on self-help books) and therapy, I determined to leave all that behind and become a “normal” person very different from my parents. But sometimes that background messes with my current life. (As Brené says: “What’s perhaps most insidious in power over dynamics is that those who are powerless typically repeat the same behavior when the tables are turned and they are promoted into power.” I would add, sometimes against our best intentions.)There was a time that my insecurity in running a large group led me to take a friend’s reported actions as betrayal. The resulting emotional backlash caused me to handle the situation so badly that I ended up being judgmental and majorly unkind to my friend to such a degree that the title “friend” no longer applies. I should have known better; I should have acted better. It wasn’t just that I hurt my reputation, interfered with how well the group was functioning, looked unprofessional to a hosting facility… The absolutely worst part was that I hurt another person - an innocent person. I broke every tenet I had set for my life because I didn’t take the time to step back and to be a good leader; I just reacted. I went right into shame and blame because I had such an inner fear of being disrespected and betrayed. As a consequence, I disrespected and betrayed my friend by treating her unkindly.In addition, I almost shut down a service that was helping over 1,000 families over the incident. I let fear rule my actions (“I don’t do vulnerability”) and cut my helpers loose (“I can go it alone”). I curtailed offerings and cancelled events. I had listened to and internalized comments from critics as they touched upon the worthlessness instilled by my parents and siblings. (Many people are eager to criticize, and it takes wisdom and practice to let go of unhelpful criticism and use the helpful input for growth.) My actions influenced some members to take sides in a group that shouldn’t have had “sides.” (“Increased polarization, rampant dehumanization of people who are different from us, and our growing inability to ditch the echo chambers for real critical thinking.”) After working alone for another year or so, I handed off the group to a team of ladies that I knew would do a better job than I was doing.I believe if I had read Dare to Lead first, I would have had the tools in place to respond appropriately in a way that would have fostered group cohesion, eliminated problems, and just generally been a better leader for my group. In addition, I ponder Brené’s adage that the “courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it’s about the courage to show up when you can’t predict or control the outcome.” I’ve considered going back and apologizing to my ex-friend many times, but I’ve always been afraid that it would simply set off more negativity. But it was my lack of judgement and responding with emotions from my past that caused the rift, and I’d like her to know that I take full responsibility for that. Is it too late to go back and tell this person how badly I feel about being a leader who truly mishandled the situation? Would it make a difference to her?I plan to reread this life-changing book with my husband and daughter, both IT professionals, so they can learn from it while I benefit from the review. Dare to Lead contains wisdom to guide leaders who want to nurture safe and effective work groups. It can also benefit leaders and members of any other groups or teams, whether for a sport, church, political group, competitive team, etc. Dare to Lead would also be a great resource for members to use to kindly hold leaders accountable. There is no downside to taking this entire book in as heart knowledge and incorporating it into our lives. And the upside is that we will not only improve the quality of our own lives, but the lives of those we interact with.Highly recommended for the universe at large. This is the first book I’ve read by Brené Brown; I’ll definitely be reading more!Edited for clarity.

this book was amazingnew concepts were presentedbut more importantly for me known concepts got reinforced. it was like validation that I'm not the only one acting in certain ways.thank you for that!

Great insights and personal work. A classic text on leadership. A lot of applications too. Well worth the read. Excellent

Brene Brown has been saying helpful things about leadership for years. She has a legion of fans. So, it was amazing that I hadn't read a single one of her books. I had The Gifts of Imperfection, on my to-read list, but it kept slipping down in the face of other enthusiasms. Then, I saw a quote from her most recent book, Dare to Lead. It said: "I define a leader as anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential."That was enough for me, I picked up a copy of Dare to Lead. When I blogged that I was reading the book, a funny thing happened. Usually, I get one or two tweets and emails from people who had strong opinions about the book. This time, I received more tweets and emails than usual. Most said something like, "I'd like to hear what you think about this book." I contacted a couple of the people who had reached out to me and asked them what their concern was. It turned out that they were puzzled by the book. They liked it a lot, but they weren't quite sure it was a good book or really all that helpful. I try to address those concerns in this review. A book you think is great may not even be helpful to someone else. A book that was great for you when you were 25 might not be great for you later in life. I told you that so I could tell you this. Dare to Lead was an excellent book for me. It brought together many things that I had been reading and thinking about over the last year. I found a lot of good stuff and, other than a nit to pick here and there, I didn't find any bad stuff. That’s my personal summary judgement. Now for some details to address the questions of the people who emailed me.Most business books have a short statement somewhere near the front of the book where the author tells us what he or she wants the book to accomplish. I couldn't find one in Dare to Lead. Dare to Lead is more like a collection of things than a coherent book laying out a coherent system of thought. It’s two books in one. About two thirds of the book is devoted to the basics. Brene Brown calls it Part One and titles it "Rumbling with Vulnerability." "Rumbling?" Yep. I think “rumbling” is the author's term for a conversation where you thrash things out. I don’t know this for sure, because she never shares a succinct definition of “rumbling.” It’s in-group language. You read the book or take a class and learn the language. Then you use it to communicate with others who know the language. It’s like a secret handshake that only group members know. That can be good for branding. It’s not good for understanding, though, because there are no specific definitions to fall back on. In any case, the "Rumbling with Vulnerability" part of the book has five sections. * The Moment and The Myths* The Call to Courage* The Armory* Shame and Empathy* Curiosity and GroundedThere are three more parts to the book. Part Two is "Living Into Our Values." Part Three is "Braving Trust." "Braving" here is an acronym, not a form of the word "brave." Part Four is "Learning to Rise." “Rise” is more insider language. I couldn't find a place where she explicitly defines it. "She talks about it and gives you an example or two and figures you'll get it. I found many good things in the book. I think you will, too. There are ideas you can use and tactics you can master, even if you uncouple them from Dr. Brown's insider language. A big problem with the book is that it isn't a coherent system. It's a collection of things. Many of the things are good, but they're not connected in any logical way, they’re mixed together. That may be good or bad for you. If you like teasing stuff out and learning from descriptions and examples, no problem. But if you prefer a tight system with clear definitions and chains of reason, you will be frustrated. Another issue is the way Dr. Brown treats courage. For her, courage is a value. In fact, she says that on page 52. When she talks about values in the book, she lists courage as a value. Then, she goes on to talk about how you need courage for all these other things. I agree that you need courage. Especially if you're someone responsible for the performance of a group, there are things you must do that require courage. You must talk to people about unacceptable performance or behavior. That takes courage. You need courage to take unpopular stands. You will have to do hard things for the good of the group, like firing someone you like but who isn't performing. You need courage to do many of the things that Brene Brown suggests you do in the book. So, what's the problem? The problem is courage is not a value, it's a virtue. That's how the ancient philosophers like Socrates, Medieval theologians like Thomas Aquinas, and more recent thinkers like David Brooks and Maya Angelou understand courage. Ms. Angelou sums it up best. "I am convinced that courage is the most important of all the virtues. Because without courage, you cannot practice any other virtue consistently. You can be kind for a while; you can be generous for a while; you can be just for a while, or merciful for a while, even loving for a while. But it is only with courage that you can be persistently and insistently kind and generous and fair."Bottom LineDare To Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts by Brene Brown covers a lot of ground and it has a lot of good stuff in it. It was a great book for me because it brought a lot of things together without imposing a real system on them. If you’re already a fan of Brene Brown and read her books, you will probably like this one. She repeats parts of earlier books sometimes with changes that grow out of her research. That may be okay with you, or it may not. If you've already read something Brene Brown wrote and you didn't like it, you won't like this book either. Give this book a pass if you're looking for a tightly reasoned system. Dare to Lead is a loosely coupled collection of ideas and suggestions. Pass on Dare to Lead if in-group language makes you crazy.