The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over (The Like Switch Series)

Have you ever wanted to get better at connecting with people? Specifically, what can you do if you want others to be drawn to you? You might think of some obvious ways, such as smiling or being authentic, but these are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to attracting people and winning them over. In the book, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over, authors Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins share practical strategies for getting an accurate read of people and positively influencing them. I have often said I try not to read too much into body language and focus more on what people are saying. It turns out, this is not a good strategy for understanding where people are coming from, as a large percentage of communication comes from almost universal non-verbal signals such as head tilts, eyebrow raises, and smiles. Who better to reveal these cues than an FBI agent trained in the skill of instantly reading a room and winning people over who are not naturally disposed toward trusting them? These methods have even been used effectively to encourage resistant informants to openly share their secrets. Fortunately, these principles are clearly presented in The Like Switch. They present a simple formula for Friendship that combines Frequency + Proximity + Duration + Intensity. If all this sounds too contrived, just consider the basic truth that people enjoy being around those who make them feel good about themselves. Actually, that’s not too far off from the Golden Rule of Jesus that says “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” (Matthew 7:12, NLT) When you are genuinely interested in someone, the Golden Rule of Friendship inspires reciprocity. They, in turn, become more interested in you. In our high-tech digital culture, it can be even harder to read the signs of whether or not you are effectively connecting with someone. The authors devote some time to helping you understand how to read the signs of honesty through social media and other types of digital communication as well so you can avoid being the victim of the latest cyber-scam or catfishing attempt. Another helpful acronym explained in the book is the word LOVE, which stands for Listen, Observe, Vocalize, and Empathize. Simply put, this reminds us to engage in active listening through eye-contact and never interrupting (something I really have to work on), looking for those non-verbal cues, respond appropriately with what you say and help them to know that you understand where they are coming from. The Like Switch is especially helpful for anyone who wants to grow in their ability to develop relationships with others. It is interesting throughout with lots of real-world examples to illustrate the ideas they present. I was personally challenged to continually grow in these skills by becoming a better reader of those non-verbal signals and to be a better listener. I highly recommend this book if you also are ready to develop these relational skills.

I first heard Jake Shafer on a podcast and was impressed so I purchased this book. It’s the best book I ever read. Looking at some of the one-star reviews, I realized maybe some people are very familiar with techniques in this book so to them, it may not be worth it. Some of the things I read, I realized I have done before but not on purpose. Some of the things I just thought were so obvious that I wondered how it is I never realized it before. Other things I thought were so simple yet so brilliant. After reading the book I realized how different I would have handle people and situations in my past. I went to a lot of business meetings and conferences where I’d meet a lot of new people for the purpose of doing business and making business connections. If I were to do that again, I would walk in with confidence that I control the situation. I would be able to connect with anyone and everyone that I wanted to connect with. I also realized that my failure to make a lot of connections was my own fault. I used to think that it was the other person that was not giving me friend signals. Now I realized I was just a guilty as they were. Since reading this book, I have never, and will never have that awkward moment in a conversation again where neither person can think of anything to say thanks to a simple statement – So you… It is such a great feeling to walk in a place with a goal and using what I learned in this book to achieve that goal. One time I had to drop my car off on a Saturday for repairs on Monday. My goal was to get them to have my car ready as early on Monday as possible. That didn’t happen, instead they said they would fit me in now if that would be better for me. I had to get a shot at a pharmacy but they don’t start giving them out until 4:00 and I had a 4:15 appointment. I ended up in the area at 3:00 and really did not want to wait around. I used everything I learned in this book and I was out the door at 3:30. I have since purchased this book for my son’s and my niece.

Pretty good especially if you’ve been out of the social loop for a while. I’ll probably read The Truth Detector as well.

Learning social skills is important; some people have not had good role models. Many of the ideas can be intuitively learned from good role models. But Putting words and specific thoughts can help people to learn what to do better To make friends or use for advancement. Good to see progressions and strategy explicitly enumerated.

As a young, beautiful, fit, and highly educated female in STEM, I couldn't understand why getting a date seemed impossible outside apps, or when I did why they would often ghost me, relegate me to f-buddy status, or worse "bench" me. After reading this book it became clear the problem lay in my inability to analyze my conversational conundrums. So desperate to convey to a potential mate the benefits of being with me, first dates were a peacock show on my end. The formula laid out in this book to develop meaningful relationships- be it friendships or romance - are wonderfully articulated with entertaining examples. In my own life they have proved exceptionally beneficial. They have helped me to pinpoint the types of people I want to get to know, and to a better extent who is simply not worth while. I have also noticed I seem to attract men of a higher caliber in droves whereas before interacting with me was literally birth control. In short if you're like me and really don't know why people don't seem to like you-a beautiful overachiever -it's probably because you don't make people feel good about themselves. I moved to NYC 5years ago during this time I have experienced difficulty making friends, establishing meaningful connections, and perhaps most soul shattering of all attracting the opposite sex. However, that all changed for me and it could for you too! In sum, these techniques truly transform a dull or introverted or annoying person into a social butterfly.

I am tied between two stars or four stars so I averaged. It is actually a bit of each. The book basically has two ways of writing; one by examples and stories, and one by explaining the psychology of what is going on. The latter is very dry and tough to read. The examples are perfect and I wish he had included more. Imagine you get a new stereo. I can read you the specs out of the manual that tell you how make adjustments, or I can play your favorite song and show you how to make adjustments. Same information, vastly different technique. And which one will you remember? The latter. The stories in this book are fantastic examples, and the best story is at the end. There is a section on computers and how not to get ripped off on the internet, and that section was a total waste to me and likely will be for anyone under 40. The photographs that show examples are just shy of useless. The images are small and are not even cropped to what you need to know. For example if the book says look at the eyebrows on this person, well I do not need a photo of them from the waist up. That just makes the eyebrows smaller in the final image. But now that I have read this book I can see how the Like Switch works, and what to do and not to do. And it also shows you what you already do that you may not know you do. I imagine this data is available in other publications, but the FBI angle here makes the stories more interesting. In fact I encourage the author to write of more examples to inform us of something. Play our music and show us how the sound works, don't just read to us!

Great read!

This book is easy to read. Yes, a lot of these things are obvious when you think about them but honestly I have never thought about them! I needed this book before high school! Love the formula for both situations- making friends and losing the people you don't want to hurt but you can not stand being around. It's good for adults too!

An amazing book revealing some incredible insights into how humans are programmed

Excellent self help guide if you feel you are all alone and being spoken over. Good point of view with valued examples of how to apple day-2-day.

Simple, concise and brilliant. Highly recommend

En su libro, Jack Schafer, habla sobre los principios ocultos detás de la formación de amistades y confianza, en este caso, utilizando sus experiencias como Ex-Agente de la FBI. Schafer narra las tecnicas utilizadas para construir y ganar la confianza de tu interlocutor a base de 4 principios clave que si se aprenden como el indica en su libro, sin duda ayudarán a que usted, lector, pueda ganar la confianza de quien se proponga. Ya sea un activo socio de negocios o el amor de su vida. Mi recomendación es que si el lector busca aprender a realizar una buena aproximación para así poder ganar la confianza del interlocutor y hacerlo cooperar con sus intenciones, este libro es justamente lo que está buscando.

Pluspunkte: schnelle Lieferung, Inhalt, sehr unterhaltsames Buch, viele Tipps für den Alltag Minuspunkte: keine Ergebnis: klare Kaufempfehlung