Etched in Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island

Do not fail to read this book. Regina's story takes place on Long Island, where people tend to think "nothing like this happens here". Well, it does. This tale takes us on a journey of her own personal heartbreak, terror, and the constant fear she has for the well being of her siblings who she believes she must protect. Her mother is an abusive, alcoholic who beats and verbally abuses her children. She often leaves them either alone, or totally homeless to fend for themselves. Regina takes it upon herself, after her sisters leave to protect the little ones, Rosie and Norman. But she eventually reports this abuse when she is beaten so brutally that her younger siblings are removed from her presence. She is placed in foster homes, where she is sexually abused. What rang true with this book is that the author not only tells her tale with conviction, but she delineates all the emotions she feels such as guilt, hatred and love towards her mother, and a desire to find her real father. Indeed she does, but only after she goes to court and he rejects her. But the knowing is everything. This is a story of perseverance in every aspect of her life to succeed and reconcile with her siblings after her mother passes away. In the shadow of affluent Long Island where people turn the other cheek (I grew up there), the author takes us on one powerful emotional ride; one that will may you cry, and make you cringe, but on the other hand, admire her courage to handle all she handled successfully. Law school, college, followed by highly successful positions in government. The identification in my life with parts of this book was so painful, I almost put it down, but I am glad I didn't. It is a healthy thing to purge your demons, and I am certain that Regina felt that way in sharing her story with us all. This is a story of true survival, and a lesson for us all any time we may lose hope. You have done us all a great service by writing this book, Regina, and thank you for allowing us to become such a part of your story with you.

But, Etched in Sand in tragic, detrimental ways to children every day, that the system fails them. The fact that ANY child, EVER, must go hungry, be in any kind of abusive situation, be homeless, in THIS country is beyond any kind of reason, or excuse. While I have tremendous admiration for Regina and her siblings, I find myself questioning where the "system" was for these five children and how they managed to remain off the system's radar? How did the school system not "see" any of these siblings in crisis, landlords, neighbors? While I most definitely admire Regina' s success, ability to rise above her very abusive, neglectful childhood to become a very successful adult who has not only defied all the odds stacked against her, but is making a difference with her life. I am concerned that her book "glossed" over, and maybe leaves one with the impression that if in a similar situation you should be able to rise above your situation and circumstances and do the same as Regina. I am certainly not saying Regina is wrong to have written an account of her life. And her account is not wrong, as it depicts her life, and her feelings, and we all know feelings are not right or wrong, they are just what we feel. And I am not saying she should not have a written account of her life as it occurred. I just wonder where the balance might be for those children who do not have four siblings and/or the same encouragement from teachers, etc. Now, lest someone think I am speaking in complete oblivion, I would like to share that I worked as a social worker for 20+ yrs with the first part of my career in child protective services/ foster care system. I investigated physical abuse/ neglect, sexual abuse task force team in my county, worked with intact families to hook them with available services to keep children in the home, worked with terminating parental rights to free children for adoption so they did not linger in the system and thus "age out of" the system. My point being, I am not ignorant of how the system works, and how it does not work. Do I think Regina and her siblings would have "faired" any better in the system and if the system had intervened? Not necessarily. Unfortunately I am all too aware of the abuse, physical, sexual, mental, neglect that occurs in the system. I, unequivocally, can say that the system can at times do more harm than good. But, it also, can stop a child's abuse, neglect and give them the solid, secure foundation they need to flourish. The system absolutely failed Regina, but what it then went on to do to Rosie was downright criminal. When I worked investigations our supervisors worked under the rule of, we always erred on the side of the child. This was not to say the adult was automatically guilty, but that for everyone's protection we would first and foremost protect the child. So in Rosie' s case there would have been too much "smoke", where there's smoke there's fire, and she would have been removed from the situation until we could better assess her safety, which most of the time allowed the child to speak freely in a safe environment away from the person(s) abusing them. Maybe Regina' s book leaves me feeling ashamed that I was a part of a system that could leave her and her siblings in a situation of ongoing abuse and neglect and allow it to continue on and on.

Loves loved this book although soo many disturbing situations! I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability which gets portrayed throughout. It’s so well written def kept me going until the end. I just ordered the other book. Thank you for sharing your story!!

This was the second best book I’ve ever read! It is hard to imagine how any parent could be so cruel! These children were absolutely the bravest I’ve read about. I pray God will protect any child in this situation. 🙏🏻

This true story is well told. It's frankness and detail is not always easy to read, but you can't put the book down either! The story reveals (and was an eye-opener for me) what can and often does happen to children in the "system" of foster care AND also at the hands of their own ill-prepared parent(s). Calcaterra describes in detail her life with her siblings, how they love one another and help one another, even when it "costs them" their own discomfort. It is a story of love and commitment, but sadly that does not come from adults from whom you'd expect help. Because this is a true story, the revelatory truth invades your heart and should rally all of us to actually do everything we can to help children in their formative years. It reveals that "the system" boasts but cannot/will not provide what it should. Though it is a sad example of government "words but no substance" - it also shows that love and commitment resides in family. This book will rivet you to your seat, open your eyes, and rally your conscience to make sure we all do our part to ensure all children receive safety and encouragement and everything they need to become all they can be. Amongst the detail, the story is a testimony of the indomitable spirit inside and how love sustains us all.

This is a well written, heart-breaking yet inspiring story of determination and incredible resilience. Five siblings who are caught in the web of the foster system of New York City, struggle to survive an abusive, mentally ill mother, and succeed but at such great cost. Taking place nearly 40 years ago, this is a compelling story that I couldn't put down, yet always in my mind were the questions, "Why weren't the case-workers more careful? Why weren't the foster families screened better? Why weren't the children's situations noticed more quickly? Why couldn't loving foster parents adopt these children or at least keep them long-term? How in anyone's world could a woman who didn't have custody of her children take them across state lines and not be punished?" From Regina's own words we learn about the overwhelming case loads of the workers of just one county in the NY City area and the reasons why the children themselves would hide the terrible abuse so they wouldn't get taken into state custody. Thankfully, in each child's life at some point, were people who saw the need and encouraged them to keep going, keep learning and excelling where they could. Ultimately all five siblings are not only survivors, but succeed and thrive , but with memories that can never be completely erased. The resilience of the human being is amazing in this story but questions still linger as to a system that all too often leaves way too much to be desired.

I couldn't put this book down. Despite gross parental negligence and abuse, Regina Calcaterra and her siblings survive in Long Island in the 1970's. Not only do they survive, but they triumph over the horrible circumstances which move them from beatings at the hand of their mother, to dysfunctional foster homes, through a broken children's protective services system that failed to protect the children, and leaves the reader aghast that such abuse occurred in plain sight, in America, amid family who turned their backs on these kids. The story is told without sensationalism, with matter-of-fact plainness that belies the horrors that their mother subjected them to as well as the neglect they suffered during her lengthy absences. Regina and her sisters were left alone to care for themselves and their younger siblings while their mother shacked up with various men, and drank herself stupid. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others avoided contact with Regina' s obviously mentally unstable mother, leaving the five children essentially abandoned to fend for themselves. They were often homeless, hungry, unwashed, and bruised as they attended school, tried to scavenge food and shelter wherever they could find warmth, and avoided notice that might bring police or social workers' attention. It is a strange tale of paradoxes told through the eyes of a victim who cannot trust anyone - especially those who say, "trust me." Heartbreaking, honest, and illuminating.

A really great story, sad that its based on a true story and that so many children live like this even today. Glad to know there were some good people along the way and the encouragement to continue in school and make something out of nothing is very inspiring. Started out as a heart tugger and tear jerker, but since I knew there was a happy ending, it made me more interested in how the family overcame it all. While I realize that this is a true story and not a fictional cast of characters, I would love to know how the other siblings recall things and how they each have managed to make a life for themselves with their families. On another note, being a Suffolk County resident (Brentwood), I remember the story of the young homeless girl and I am so glad to hear that Regina had a hand in making that situation work for the family. It made me very proud to know that a Brentwood student had accomplished something that was traditionally not associated with lower income school districts, and that she did so inspite of her economical situation. Regina you rock!!!

I couldn't put this book down from the minute I started. It's such an insightful story into the lives of child abuse, it's opened my eyes to what can be happening behind closed doors. I had so many tears reading of the torture these children had to endure, I pray for the many children in this type of situation and pray that the system will change to help children more. Well done Regina, you have such a strong spirit.

This book is well written and I related to some of it! Brilliant that they all turned out very well

Great read! Well written.

Great true story how trials and tribulations can be overcome and make you stronger and about how sfrong family ties can be.

A well written book of a person who should have been ashamed to call herself a mother and a system that is so politically incorrect and quite frankly disgusting. Sometimes I was in tears and other times I was so happy and excited. What I find worse is that even 40 years later the foster care system in the USA is disgusting and horrendously run without any acceptable excuse by the government.