The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality * Next Generation Indie Book Awards Winner in LGBT *

As the title indicates -- this is an "introduction" -- and it is. It is clear, detailed, readable, and oriented towards multiple kinds of readers (e.g. from the person who calls themselves asexual to the person in a relationship with an asexual, to loved ones of asexuals, to people exploring/questioning their own orientation). It also does a better job of arguing that asexuality should be considered an "orientation" than ACE, and it speaks with kindness and empathy towards different affinity groups in explaining why belonging is important and what points of friction people within different affinity groups might feel towards inclusivity -- both an asexual attempting to join a GLBTQ space, as well as those with other orientations accepting an asexual member in an identity-group space.My main problem with this book is that it does not explain sexual attraction. Given the fact that a lot of people looking for books on the topic of asexuality are trying to understand a concept that is defined by the negative (an asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction), wouldn't it make sense that an intro to the topic would actually explain what sexual attraction is? I wish an author would write a book that explains color to the blind, that describes gluttony to a person who lacks a sense of taste, sexual attraction to those who do not experience it.For an introduction to the subject geared towards different kinds of readers, this is a big gap. if a new edition comes out, I hope the author will consider adding a chapter on the topic. I guess she (and other authors writing about asexuality) assume that the pervasiveness of sex/lust/attraction in pop culture means that readers would be familiar with it. I suppose. But given the fact that Hollywood dramatizes a lot of things & that few portrayals of cops, criminals, murderers, etc. are actually "realistic," it's hard for me to accept that sexual desire and attraction are somehow accurately portrayed in movies, film, literature, etc.But I recommend this book over ACE hands down.

This is an invaluable book for learning about asexuality. It's very easy to feel confusion about human sexuality whether it's your own or someone else. It can feel awkward or indecent to discuss openly and so valid differences never really get addressed. This is especially the case if it's an orientation that rarely gets acknowledged to boot.This book introduces the basics of asexuality and is split into six categories outside the introduction: Asexuality 101, Asexual Experiences, The Many Myths of Asexuality, If You're Asexual (or Think You Might Be), If Someone You Know Is Asexual (or Might Be), and Other Resources. It covers a lot of ground without getting too detailed for someone just learning about it. Keep in mind this book assumes that the reader has a basic familiarity with LGBT issues and it isn't afraid to be frank in its discussion about sex. Some information is repeated throughout the book since it's written with the idea that someone will go to whichever chapter bears most relevance to them first, so you don't absolutely have to go from cover to cover.My one minor critique is that I would have liked it to go into even more depth on sex repulsion, sex positivity, what those terms do and don't mean, and just how this can effect an asexual person specifically. Granted, this is supposed to be an introduction and it touches briefly on these subjects, so I don't know how fair a critique about wanting more details out of an introductory book is.I also would have liked more examples of exclusively good elements to being asexual if that makes sense. This is done to some degree with references to asexual characters in media and famous people who identify as asexual, which were welcome additions to see. However, I think it's important to note that the fact that this book addresses the "negative" side to being ace is because disparaging remarks about asexuality or plain old misunderstandings are a genuine thing asexual people face. It's important to bear in mind that The Invisible Orientation goes out of its way to empower an asexual individual no matter what the scenario is and especially the more difficult ones, however. The chapter "Other Resources" also provides some excellent resources to connect with with other asexual people and their allies.I think this book will answer more questions than not and is written in an understanding and compassionate way. Highly recommended for anyone who is struggling with being asexual, someone who knows someone who is struggling with it, and anyone who simply wants to broaden their understanding of these issues. I hope more books on asexuality and asexual experiences will follow both from this author and from others.

this book helped me learn about myself. i couldn’t finish a single page without tears. i’m so grateful for this book because i finally feel like i’m not an alien. i would recommend to anyone struggling with their sexuality or for anyone trying to understand others sexuality.

The author explains that a-sexuality is an innate orientation created by nature.But, she ignores that among sexually chaste couples *while dating* there can be one person who might NOT KNOW that the other feels nothing sexually for them. They are the 1% asexual.The asexual person might want to marry someone for life, and they know that revealing beforehand to dating partners that they would NOT be sexual with them throughout a married life together weould almost certainly be a noraml 'deal breaker.' Of course it is! The asexual seeking marriage knows this.The heterosexual spouse are expected by the asexual one to be intimately faithful (sexually faithful included) to them. An asexual person ought not marry a heterosexual person if their one-percenter sexual secret is not out in the open with them ahead of time.

I'm MtF trans and my wife realized deep into my transition that she was asexual. Neither of us really knew what that meant. I felt hurt that she seemed to find me attractive and enjoy sex when I was a man, but seemingly immediately after my surgery she treated me as a very close and dear sister. Did she not love me anymore? Wasn't I the same person? The correlation wasn't me, though, it was her given permission to discover herself as I discovered myself. She gave me a gift to become myself hand in hand with her, and then I reciprocated hand in hand as well once this book gave me the tools to do so. This book has really helped us discover each other through a journey that could have gone horribly wrong. We are more strongly bound and in love than ever. Strongly recommend.

1. The author thinks that ‘media’ is singular, not plural.2. The author thinks that ‘genitalia’ is singular, not plural.3. The author thinks that ‘disinterested’ means ‘uninterested’.4. The author does not see that ‘making love’ (not mentioned) is not the same as ‘having sex’ (mentioned), so she omits some possibilities – see below re. pp 30-33.5. Pages 30-33 – the book is weak on loving possibilities between women I have the impression that the author's ideas about sexual interactions are based on typical penetration-oriented ("phallocentric") heterosexual behaviour, so she misses some of the possibilities between sexual and asexual women in a loving partnership (and between lesbians, for that matter). It IS possible for an asexual woman to love her female partner's body for aesthetic reasons, and for some, also to make love to her so as to enjoy her pleasure and to enjoy giving that pleasure and to admire and enjoy her body's reaction to the giving - and not to want any sexual attention in return - and for that arrangement to work happily for decades. Of course, if your idea of 'sex' is one person pushing a penis into another's vagina, clearly both parties have to be engaged in the same thing simultaneously, and you cannot imagine therefore that one person, an asexual woman, might give (entirely voluntarily, out of love and appreciation) her full attention to her beloved partner's body for entirely non-sexual reasons and the other, a non-asexual woman, might receive her loving attentions for a number of reasons, including sexual. This weakens the book, in my opinion, and makes me reluctant to offer it by way of explanation.6. Page 32: the need for human-to-human physical contact exists independently of the human desire for sexual interaction.7. Pages 41-43 – see comments for pages 30-33; female-to-female relations readily allow one person to give while the other receives, so the table on page 43 needs a point 6, and ‘making love’, which the author does not mention, is not the same ‘as having sex’.

Interesting book, but could have been a fifth of the size. Very repetitive if you read it cover to cover.

highly recommended whether you are asexual, know an asexual, are a medical professional, are just curious or anything in between. this book is very well and sensitively written, covers a lot of ground but speaks in layman's terms. i first ordered the kindle copy but now also have the paperback to help with my coming out because this book answers all the stupid questions that people ask and i so often don't know how to answer. i wish i'd had it when i was young, it would have helped me so much and i'm glad it exists now to help other people.

A great all rounder. Explains each aspect of the orientation very comprehensibly and draws on real experiences that allows for a certain camaraderie for people of the asexual orientation. Gave me a real sense of self. Definitely a good book to introduce people to the orientation!

The best book I have encountered on a very delicate subject. Sympathetically written by a very knowledgeable author. For those whose are asexual, or encounter asexuals professionally or personally this is essential reading.