Caravan of No Despair

I was appalled that Mirabai Starr’s family therapist, Dr. Larry Sargeant of Taos New Mexico told her (in relation to her daughter Jenny dying in a tragic car accident during a bipolar manic episode) “Please understand Mirabai : if Jenny lived she would have been a torment to herself and to you for the rest of your life. And because Mirabai trusted her therapist she accepted his statement which she translated to mean “Mirabai, It is a blessing that Jenny died in that accident, because if she had not, your life would be a living hell forevermore. And later when Mirabai reflected if her daughter would have received medication for her serious mental health condition that would have meant she was in the “wasteland of psychopharmaceuticals”As a psychotherapist myself and the mother of a young adult who has suffered from a serious mental illness for the past ten years, I am overwhelmed that such an ignorant and reductionistic statement would have been made and (understandably but again with no personal knowledge or experience of how the trajectory of very significant challenge, healing and treatment could or would play out) received.I have great respect for Mirabai Starr’s writing and transformative personal journey however the unintended prejudice and prejudgement about the life of both an individual and family who are navigating the territory of serious mental illness as portrayed by a Phd family therapist is unconscionable and fosters deep misunderstanding of those with mental illness as well as those who are dedicated to their loved one with an SMI.

I struggle to find words to describe the deep beauty of this heart-rending, gorgeous book. It grabbed me from its first pages—which I read standing up—and, over just a few days, carried me through to its powerful end. Caravan of No Despair offers that rare gift: a window into someone else’s life that is so illuminating that we feel ourselves in the world in a new way.Mirabai Starr tells about growing up in the 1960s and 70s with spiritually inclined, hippy parents who let her find her own way amidst great personal loss and all the confusions that go with childhood. Seeking genuine spiritual growth, Starr exposes herself to the exploits of an older man who offers himself as a teacher and lover, and struggles to live through the tortuous years as a wife and soon mother. The center of the book is about her relationship with her daughter Jenny, whose loss digs to the core of Starr’s bones.Starr writes with incredible precision and perceptiveness. The book is a testament to literary elegance. She is also bitingly honest—about her own shortcomings and the cruelties of those around her, and about the interior experience of loss. In this latter regard, Starr offers vocabulary with which readers will recognize their own feelings and be able to touch them in a more profound way. I have rarely cried while reading a book but, in this instance, I often had to wipe away tears so I could keep reading (and frequently smiled at Starr’s depictions of humorous events and of her own naiveté).Although about loss, the book is actually an embrace of life. Starr writes about the universal story of trying to be human in a world suffused with much pain. Reading it tore at my heart but ultimately touched my soul. When I finished it, I stared into space for a very long, beautiful time.

A mystic is someone you will follow anywhere—not without questions, not without doubts—and trust with your spiritual and physical life. In this age of faux gurus and self-help barkers, it is difficult to connect with someone authentic. Mirabai Starr is truly a mystic in the deepest sense of that overused yet magical, exhilarating word.The greatest spiritual teachers have always come into their authenticity through healthy doses of reluctance. Buddha wanted to know; he wanted that more than he wanted to teach. Jesus begged God to lift his burden from him. Joan of Arc wanted only to serve her country and return to her village. The Dalai Lama often reminds interviewers that he is just a man who loses his temper, yells at people and does things every day he regrets. Starr is right at home in this illustrious company. Her new book, Caravan of No Despair, consistently delivers what memoirs have such a hard time doing—presenting not just what happens, but also recreating real, suffering, sleepwalking and exhilarated human beings.One of the world’s most sought after inter-spiritual speakers and the celebrated translator of renowned mystics such as St. John of the Cross, St. Teresa of Avila and Hildegard of Bingen, Starr has led an inspiring, richly textured and cinematic life. Born to radical, politicized Jewish parents steeped in the 1960s antiwar and civil rights movements, buffeted by the deaths of her beloved older brother and first love, enduring the break-up of her parents, spending a girlhood of communal living in south America and New Mexico, and surviving more than a decade attached to an abusive mentor and teacher, Starr’s story would be memorable if it ended there.But all this was only her beginning. What followed was her search for her life soul mate, her adoption of two daughters and her gradual acceptance and embrace of a life of service. That acceptance, as it does in the lives of all leaders, hinged on a signature moment or turning point. For Starr, the death of her daughter, Jenny, created that moment. As a world traveler, experimentalist and Jewish agnostic, everything Starr had learned to that point became suspect. She doubted the existence of a higher power, distrusted her meditation practice and self-help gurus and wondered if there really was any compassion or sense to life in this realm. Her dark soul-night opened and expanded and stretched on and on, breaking her down and cracking her in pieces. The tale of her endurance swim to healing and acceptance is as inspiring as the story of her destruction, and her ability to overcome or make peace with her spiritual reluctance will comfort many and may provide an epiphany for others. If anyone in film reads this or is listening, where is the movie of this journey?There are other delights awaiting the reader. Starr is also a poet capable of creating evocative sentences like this: “Friends had gathered like strands of grass and woven a basket of waiting.”; or “Each body that walked through that door belonged to a hand that kept me from drowning.”; or “The most vexing flavor on the grief menu was bargaining.”; or “Only in Taos, I said. A channeling maître d’.” No matter the stage she is sharing in her long journey, Mirabai Starr is always exquisitely beautiful and human. She is mystical, yes; she is more than us, she is less than us, she is one of us and she knows it. I cherish my heart/soul connection with this gorgeous book, and I bow to its author. You can trust her, I know, with your physical and spiritual life.

Didn’t enjoy this book

Much more than a story. Rich tapestry of love in all its disguises. Very human from the depths of despair to the heights of the Divine. Honest, raw, real, deeply moving but without sweeteners. Beautifully written with clarity and open, unflinching heart.

Absolutely superb book & so beautifully written. This has been the most helpful book for me in my grieving process. Truly beautiful, captivating, painful & open hearted.

Deeply moving and well worth the reads.

As a recently grieving mother I reached out for some words of comfort, wisdom, anything and I found my way to Mirabai Starr's beautiful memoir "Caravan of no Despair". It offered infinitely more than my expectation of reading a memoir of a similar unbearable loss, it was a complete bearing of her soul and heart. I commend her bravery. More than anything rather than joining a Caravan of NO Despair I feel like I have joined a Caravan where the author holds sacred space for your despair. This book is beautifully written, it engages you instantly but I also felt the loving arms of Mirabai Starr reach out and embrace this reader to help comfort. I highly recommend this book, its a gift. I am grateful to have found it.