How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men

This book changed how I parent my boys. I have a three year old and six year old. As you might imagine, they are sometimes hard to manage/discipline/get through to. Michael C. Reichert’s advice to provide predictable, dependable, special alone time with each boy, to let them dictate what we do, to listen them, even if it’s uncomfortable or awkward, even if I am triggered and don’t want them to be feeling what they are feeling, to be with them anyway, to stay connected, was all so revelatory to me. I loved what he says about every relationship going through a cycle or connection, disconnect and reconnection, and that as parents, we have to show and teach our kids how to reconnect; they don’t know how to do it. I wished I had been parented that way. I still, to this day, feel scared and alone when I’m in the stage of disconnection. This is hard work, but worth the effort. I imagine it like meditation. You’re not going to perfectly erase your mind of thoughts, but you can keep trying to let them go. This relational approach to nurturing boys and being the guardian of their boyhood demands open-hearted presence. I am up for the challenge. Are you? I hope so!

Nothing new

Why did I want to read “How to Raise a Boy”? My wife and I have two sons, adults now. One had a reasonably straightforward, lower stress adolescence. The other struggled mightily for 10 years with dangers of the teenage years: rebellion against authority, poor motivation, troubles in school, undesirable (to us) friends, substance abuse. There are many reasons knowable and unknowable why our two boys were so different. But, I ask myself what could I have done to strengthen and better support the struggling son. What about my understanding, my relationship, my interactions could have helped him better navigate the unavoidable, tempting, detrimental aspects of popular teenage culture? “How to Raise a Boy” did not disappoint.Instead of traditions and stereotypes for how to raise boys, every page describes purposeful, professional research by many published authorities mixed with Dr. Reichert’s own experience as a counselor to troubled boys and families. There is a lot of evidence-based wisdom in the book plus compassion for boys today. Reichert not only knows what he’s talking about as an expert in child development, I got the sense that he feels what he’s talking about from helping boys with every imaginable adolescent problem.I’m going to give a copy of “How to Raise a Boy” to my son on Father’s Day as a helpful guide to raising his boy, my grandson, in a world with many outdated concepts of the ideal male as well as benefits to improve the parent-son relationship.

I raised a boy and I am proud of the results. My reason for buying the book was to try to bring some understanding to how I got there! My method in raising my son was "let's try this and see what happens" which is the process of most parents who care. The author provides guidance through personal experience as a father, a practitioner as a clinical psychologist and support in the form of exhaustive citing of research in the field. This is not a Dr. Seuss book. It is serious and instructive, as it should be. I bought 2 more copies as gifts to give to nieces and nephews with baby boys as the manual you expected when you left the hospital.

I am the father to two wonderful kids: a daughter (age 12) and son (age 6). A few years ago I noticed I was parenting my son the way my step-father had parented me: using anger and fear to control him. I knew there had to be a better way. My wife found How To Raise A Boy, I read it, and it changed my life...and my son's.I've had a great career, but unfortunately my successes at school and work did not translate into an ability to live in alignment with my authentic self. In fact, as I grew out of a difficult childhood, I engaged in increasingly risky, hyper-masculine behaviors and became a man who did not know how to identify or articulate his feelings. More than anything, How To Raise A Boy helped me connect deeper with myself, and that helped me connect more deeply with my son.I can’t thank Dr. Reichert enough for what I learned from this book. It was so important to our family that we gave it as a gift to all the teachers we engage with at both of our kids’ schools. I consider it important reading for any parent of a young boy, and for any men who wish to develop a deeper understanding of how their own childhood impacts their lives.