Da Capo Lifelong 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, second edition: The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Of the many parenting books out there this is one of the really useful ones.We bought this book because we were at out wits-end. He mentions in the book that many children are well-behaved for other people but defiant in the home. Not so with ours, he was defiant everywhere and it was getting worse and worse. The more we tried to control his behaviour the worse he became and it affected everything: school, home, activities. It was becoming hard to take him anywhere.I read lots of book reviews and settled on this one as a starting point, thinking that it might not be enough, or appropriate to the type of behaviour I was seeing. It quickly became clear that this book is for the parents of very difficult children, so if you have one of those, but there is no clear reason why then it may well be for you.The advice given in the book, given over 10 chapters which repeat the learning from and build on one another, takes you through the reasons that your child is behaving this way, and then gives some practical advice. It is very easy to read and non-technical, with plenty of examples to make the steps clear. In truth the method that Bernstein outlines wasn't what I expected or even what I wanted from my new 'manual'. Although we were skeptical but my partner and I tried it and it worked! Within about a week we could see that our defiant little boy had calmed down and was easier to handle. Now, a few months on we still have a defiant child who chooses to dig in over very small things, but we have a range of techniques for disarming the situation, and create more all the time based on the original principles in the book.It's worth noting that the book is really about dealing with school-age children. Defiance and tantrums are part of normal pre-school behaviour, although he does say that the methods can be used on younger children, I suspect they will be limited, and you might be better with a book specifically aimed at toddler behaviour. I found the later chapters less helpful than the earlier ones. The chapter on family was largely not applicable to us, though there were a few helpful points in there. Because we had issues with behaviour at school I really wanted some insights from that chapter, but it wasn't helpful at all, probably because the American author is writing for a different school system.I don't know what we would have done without this book. Along with Playful Parenting, it has really helped our family through.

A good read and some aspects and pointers worked for me and then others didnt, which I suppose is true for most. However, my son has autism and I suspect pathological demand avoidance syndrome also, so may not be the right tool for me.It is extremely helpful for the mind, although I have never lost my cool in the situations given in the book, I have felt pushed beyond my limits and left mentally exhausted. This book breathed some fresh air into my head and helped me realise I am not alone. But it also made me realise my child is not defiant, he is autistic and lead by his anxieties.Still, a useful book, more about training yourself, which is what it should be about really!

This book is amazing. I've tried several books and, although lots have been helpful, this is by far the best. The advice is simple and makes so much sense. It's broken down into easy-to-read sections/bulletpoints and each chapter addresses different things e.g. there is a chapter dedicated to helping parents shout/yell less. I can pick the book up at random times to remind myself of the techniques and i DEFINITELY see a difference in my child through implementing them.I would really, really recommend this book for anyone struggling with a defiant child or children. Fantastic!

I did like this book. I have read many more like it but I think its probably the best one, as it balances understanding for your defiant child with positive methods and outlook that may help. The general tone is good too. There is also some small understanding for the parent who is struggling.

Reading this book instantly had an impact on my approach and understanding of my child. In just one week I have 3 sorry’s from my child, which he would never say sorry before.He’s calmer, I’m calmer my daughters calmer. It’s made a huge difference already to our family environment. It’s a must buy.