The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships

Helpful tool

I think my main problem with the five apology languages is my same issue with the five love languages. It’s silly to think one is sufficient when all are important. In the apology examples they give in the book, they almost always include multiple (at least three) different types of apologies. All are essential so the idea of finding one that works best makes no sense. The author refers to using additional apology languages as “icing on the cake”. If they add to the apology, why would you not add all components? By the end of the book, he’s suggesting you add all five languages. So it’s more about 5 essential steps in an apology than about different apology languages.Also, it is heavily religious which is not my cup of tea. I think the book is difficult to read as a non-Christian as it frequently quotes the bible and says you need to ask God for forgiveness/strength etc.Also immediately gave up the book completely when the example was given of a man hitting his wife and broke her jaw. She forgave him. This is NOT something you should forgive and move past.The book also says children who have run way from home to live on the streets, should choose to apologize to their parents. Personally, I think if the child has run away, there’s probably a strong reason. Also… they’re children. Perhaps we should be looking at the parents and not putting the onus on children. A direct quote “To be sure, those who were abused by parents needed also to receive an apology. But that was not likely to happen unless they initiated the process.” So even abused children should first apologize to their parents? Honestly what a disgusting view point.The book also gives an example of a woman who was abused as a young girl by her father. Naturally, she apologized to him!? The author even goes on to speculate that if young men and woman learned to apologize, they wouldn’t have broken relationships, and therefore not ended up on the street. Another direct quote “Eventually, there was no one to whom they could turn, so they turned to the streets. I have often wondered how different things might have been had someone taught these men and women to apologize.” Overall, a highly self righteous and offensive book.

This was a really good book! It was easy to read and didn't spend much time rambling just to hit a higher word count. There were a lot of extremely helpful insights and it helped me realize what I already do well and where I need to make improvements in my apologies. I had never thought of the fact that people have different apology languages, but it seems pretty obvious in retrospect!The only downsides to the book are more a matter of preference. I'm not a Christian, but I think most of the arguments would have been just as powerful in a completely secular context. The only argument that hinged on Christianity is the idea that we are not obligated to forgive someone who does not apologize.Lastly, if you're learning to apologize so that you can get back in the good graces of someone that you wronged, be aware that she needs to be able to accept the apology and forgive you. Just because you apologize doesn't mean she'll take you back. Although it's worth a shot because she's amazing and I love her.

It is a good book. Well written, with good examples and illustrations.

This book provided information that I've never considered before! It's already paid off in every day relationships. Excellent author! Highly recommend for those with an open mind & for those having the want to strengthen relationships.

Dr Gary Chapman really strikes gold with his insight. This book really opened my eyes to how different we all are in so many ways but at the same time with sensitivity and awareness of each other's needs how much we can improve our relationships relatively quickly.