Dr. Henry Cloud Ph.D.Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

Superb book...

Helped me in many ways. Able to segregate my roles and responsibilities in all occasions. Decide when to cross my boundaries to help others.

sadly enough, i really might need it now as a reference for a situation i m dealing with in life... anyway its an excellent book to refer to in a lot of life situations.

This is probably by far the best and most helpful book I have every read. I also have the kindle version. If you want to know what your boundaries are with your friends, family, aquaintences .. etc.. this is the book that clear defines your boundaries. What is very great about this book, Henry even goes so far as to how to say no when those boundaries are over stepped. I see in my own life in some areas where I over stepped those with my kids. Then he address our own boundaries within ourselves. So very good. I am going to give this book to my kids so they don't make the same or similar mistakes as I did. Great Job. Thanks

As a Christian, I've struggled with how to maintain my own boundaries with people who are under-responsible. So many people are looking for a bleeding heart, over-responsible person like me to use, but it's been important to me to realize that I am at fault for letting much of it happen. I reviewed my words to these people and I found myself not being honest with how much they inconvenience me, if at all. I stopped lying to some people and telling them that it's 'great' to see them, or it's 'no problem' when it's not. I was raised to be compliant and avoid conflict by well-meaning godly parents. I struggle when unhealthy people put me down and don't feel like I should spend time with these kinds of people. I noticed that they often do it to try and steer me toward doing something for them.My biggest problem is that I do stuff for other people and resent it big time. Then, my family never hears the end of how frustrated I am. Part of me deep inside just knows when I have allowed myself into being manipulated and resents it. Thanks to this book that gives a lot of food for thought, I am able to separate my ministry works from my friendships. True friends don't go off the deep end when you don't comply and say 'no' sometimes. I feel fulfilled and non-resentful when I choose my own ministry projects, as I am led in my heart by God; not having them forced on me.Every person has to figure out how much they are capable of and set limits. I have taken steps to invest more in friendships where we enjoy and respect each other's differences. I don't want to be the enabling source of someone to keep them wallowing in immaturity. Now, I hope my biggest issue is that I've got to find other things to talk about than how one or two peripheral friends behaved to me. My family and close friends deserve better.Edit - Oct 2014 - It has been a great year! Less resentment, more enjoyable relationships, and lots of steps in the right direction. I've been able to sort through my priorities better in how to deal with people. I've been able to dodge those who want to impose on my boundaries and enjoy healthy boundaries with true friends. The boundary busters get mad when they don't get their way, and I fight feeling bad about it sometimes because I have been over-empathetic to manipulative people for years. You don't get better overnight, but with each interaction, you have a chance to make things go well. I used to not give a clear no, and it often prolonged the process with intrusive people. I simply refuse to deal with people who don't take no for an answer. It has not been a problem to ignore over-the-top texts, fb messages and emails. I find that these people just move on to the next person on their 'list' anyway. I am working with people I love and trust. My energy is endless because I am doing the ministry that I am supposed to be doing, instead of feeling responsible for areas that I am not suited for. It is freeing like never before. Thank God for this valuable, Biblical insight into relationships!

Ce livre m'a permis de comprendre d'où venaient beaucoup de problèmes dans ma vie. On n'apprends pas à mettre des barrières aux gens dans notre enfance, mais c'est tellement important!

This book is life changing, even for non-Christians. It shows clearly how not having boundaries in your life harms not only yourself, but others too. And then it gives very practical advice - with examples - of how you can set those boundaries at work, at home, in relationships, as a parent, child and friend. It's not about being selfish, it's about being what we should be and enabling others to do so too.And it's very easy to read, too, with a useful fold-out cover to use as a bookmark.For Christians, it gives the bible passages backing up the assertions made, which is especially helpful for those of us whose Christian community seems to emphasise the 'doormat' type of giving of ourselves.