When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

They should teach this in schools. If you are looking for genuine "self help" answers, as I was, then this may be what you are looking for. I haven't even read the whole book, but have found the early part much more helpful than I expected. I didn't realise how unassertive I was most of the time, and I didn't realise just how important and liberating it is to be assertive. And it isn't as difficult as I thought it would be. The style/language is slightly dated but I found that I soon stopped noticing this, or didn't notice it often. It is easy to read and understand. It is a practical manual, with achievable techniques, set out very clearly, and with repeated examples. I found the names of the techniques slightly distracting, and maybe they are set out in a slightly clumsy way, but it is easy to get the idea of what you are meant to do. It has helped me in two ways- 1. it helped me to interact effectively with other people 2. (unexpected) it has made me more confident and comfortable with my own views, more confident in myself. I haven't read any other assertiveness books so can't comment on these - I have been tempted to look at some, as I want to get as good at this as I can, but I haven't yet, and maybe I don't need to. Am I ready to give up my self help addiction?... So: this one genuinely could change your life.

Very helpful way of looking at root causes of lack of assertiveness coupled with insightful, simple to understand and easy to practice techniques to combat this failing and deal successfully with manipulative characters in everyday situations. Well worth the money because it offers a life changing and life affirming set of learnable techniques that in my opinion definitely work and are proven to do so. For all this it is also a very fun and pleasant read. A must have reference book for the genuine and kind amongst us to have in our armour. Highly Recommend.

I read and then studied this book over 20 years ago. Since then I have looked at similar works that are more complex sometimes using more oblique terms and concepts. This remains in my humble opinion the most useful and practical work on improving a person's ability to effectively communicate and cope with others at all ages in life. As a means of lessening anxiety in social situations this work if practiced and made part of your way of behaving will greatly improve your ability to get along with people. Even if your a confident, mostly non anxious person, an indepth study of this work with a lot of practice will bring an even greater sense of being able to cope with most social situations. It covers all aspects of conflict resolution in peer groups, be it with family, friends, fellow workers, between kids, between you and your kids. It shows you how to do what you want, if not all the time, then at least some of the time no matter who are dealing with or what the situation may be. It is not about control as you can't control anyone without bullying. It is about confidently using your human ability to cope and adapt and ultimately to verbally communicate with other people in an effective way that leaves you feeling and knowing you were not manipulated emotionally or bullied. Remember this is about social, mostly civilized situations, not for when dealing with nutters or muggers.

Bought this book not expecting too much as I had been disappointed in the past with similar titles. All I can say was I was wrong. Despite this book being first published in 1975 the advice contained within has stood the test of time. If, like me, you find yourself lacking assertiveness then this book will give you tactics to improve your relationship with people. The fogging technique is one that I used from an early stage and it really helps you prevent yourself from falling the scripts that other people want to use to manipulate your encounters with them. This isn't a magic bullet by any means but it does help you understand when you are being manipulated and how to defend against it. I liked the book so much that I bought the Audible version so that I could listen to it in the car and on my phone when I needed a bit of help dealing with situations. As I had already shelled out £3.99 for the kindle version it shows you how much value I put in the contents of this book that I was prepared to pay another £25.89 for the spoken word version. All in all, if you are lacking any assertiveness then you really should buy this book. It is filled with pure gold. Just be patient and get past the anecdotes and on to the techniques.

This book has dated badly. This is not, as others describe, because of the references, you know what you are getting and that is fine. However, the writing is very dense indeed, and the sentences are long, making it quite tiring to read. The author is an academic, and it reads as such. That said, the information in it is very good, and there doesn't seem to be better on this subject out there, so I would say, get the book - and then somebody, please rewrite it for a modern eye!

I can honestly recomend this book to everyone who wants/needs to improve his/her ability to communicate with people, especially with those difficult ones. It works. I had read many self-help books before and I dare to say that this one is absolutely the best. Although assertivness often has negative connotation, it is in fact a very peaceful way of coping with awkward or difficult situations. This book teaches how to express our wishes, refusals, demands, recomendations or ideas in a polite and non-agressive way so that we are respected and show respect towards others. In my experience of a teacher I can assure you that it is also a wonderful way of dealing with children and adolescents that helps to build relationships. This book is a delight!

I loved this book. A lot of my problems are due to lack of assertiveness so I was pleased to find it. The book gives different techniques to use in order to become more assertive. The book uses dialogues so you can see how you can apply the techniques to different areas in life. I particularly found the fogging technique and the negative assertion technique useful; the section on job interviews was also very helpful. I have given this book four stars as opposed to five because I felt the dialogues dragged it bit. But saying this, I do feel it drove the message home. It was a bit old fashioned as it was written in the seventies, but all of the lessons can be applied to modern day life.

I didn’t think I’d like this book when I first started reading it but it received good reviews so I pressed on. The language can be a bit laden and heavy at times and I’m sure it it was edited and published today it would be broken down with more subheadings. However, having finished this book I can now see how effective Systematic Assertive Therapy will be for myself and many others. It’s a very clear and simple approach but will definitely take repeated practice to really internalise naturally. Worth every penny if you’re feeling guilty and frustrated in your communications with other people!

I appreciate this book. The info seems simple yet is the most straight forward expression of important ideas involving everyday interactions in life. I hope it reaches all who can use it to build more confidence in themselves. Thank you to the author for exploring and mapping the territory these matters encompass.

Los van de inhoud van het boek (gedateerd, maar dat is te verwachten omdat het een oud boek is) vind ik dat in deze druk de letters wel erg gepropt zijn op de pagina. Dat leest niet lekker.

Helped me identify manipulative tactics that I have been applying unconsciously and identify the ones used against me. Must read in order to correct your manipulative ploys and assert yourself

This is my second copy as the one I had originally (bought many years ago at a retail store) was gifted to a friend. This is excellent for people who suffer low self esteem. The author has used American terminology a lot which can be difficult for Indians to understand or in worse cases misunderstand. Apart from this, the author is a mental health professional, so the vocabulary used is mostly psychiatry related so you need to keep Google handy thorough out.

Ce livre ne vous demande pas d'explorer les raisons profondes qui font que vous culpabilisez lorsque vous dites non. Il ne vous demande pas d'analyser vos souvenirs enfantins. Il donne des méthodes pratiques, avec beaucoup d'exemples à imiter pour mettre en oeuvre. Les techniques sont entre autres : le disque rayé, la question négative, donner des informations, le brouillard, et d'autres. Il écrit clairement des principes qu'il faut toujours avoir en tête comme : nous avons le droit de changer d'avis, nous avons le droit de ne pas être logiques, et nous avons le droit d'assumer les conséquences de nos choix et actes. La meilleure preuve de sa qualité est que la première édition date de 1976. En 2013, presque 40 ans après, il reste un best seller aux USA. Dommage qu'il n'existe pas en français.