Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included)

Three years ago, I survived a rare, life-threatening mental health crisis when I became a mom. On my long journey to finding healing and meaning from my trauma, I came across this book, and it completely changed my life. I have never felt so seen by a perspective and a person whom I had never even met - another woman of color, another mom! After putting much thought and reflection into my self-care compass (and even sharing it with my therapist and family!) I found myself making meaningful changes to live my life to be more aligned with my values, and it was truly liberating. I couldn’t resist gifting this book to all the close women and moms in my life.This book will not only help you introspect, heal and show yourself compassion, but also give you tangible tools and frameworks that you can look back to as you navigate challenges in your own life. This book will also help you better understand and build empathy for the other powerful, resilient women in your life. Real self-care isn't about a form of achievement or consumerism, it's about embracing self-love and compassion. Thank you Pooja!

I first met Dr. Pooja Lakshmin when I saw her article about burnout and betrayal (the Primal Scream in the New York Times). A lightbulb went off when I realized that I was internalizing so much about how I wasn't able to do it all as a mother, wife, business owner, writer, and person in the world. Between having two young kids in the pandemic and trying to start my own business, I was exhausted, sometimes frozen, angry, and often in tears.Ever since, I've followed her writing and work on instagram, where she shares wisdom around women's mental health from a psychology perspective. Honestly, I feel RELIEF when I read what she's writing! This book has been a brilliant follow-up to her work across the web. Being burned out and feeling betrayed by broken systems is real. But what do you DO about it? Is there any antidote or solution?It turns out, if you're wishing for a vacation or you're fantasizing about escape... well, that's a sign that your current life is likely burning you out. Instead of buying the next fancy retreat or spa package (those are delightful, don't get me wrong!)—she recommends you start with her four-part framework.Pooja writes about where our individual agency comes in: what can we do about this, and what's within our control? This is the delicate dance of self care.She also shares the history of self-care and where the idea comes from (it was a mental health term often for institutionalized folks, and it was revolutionized by Black women in different movements before it's been co-opted today as a thing that you can purchase, buy, or sell). I appreciate this full history.I got a chance to review an early copy of this book (I'm a podcaster, and I interviewed her for my show)—and I also purchased my own copy of this book. Here's what I got from the book:So how do we do self-care in an overwhelming world? Her framework brings alignment between your values and what you can do, and highlights where you might be misaligned. I'll share a few sneak peeks without giving it all away:1 — How to know what's yours, how to create space between you and the people you care about, how to define what belongs to someone else (guess what word she uses for this first step?)2 — How to develop a new relationship with your mind (her insights on A&C therapy and how she describes psychological flexibility I found so cool). This is a more advanced psychological concept and I appreciate the depth here; it's not superficial.3 — How to identify what really matters to YOU, what brings you energy. She has a specific tool called the self-care compass which is a great framework (and I like having it next to my desk at work).4 — How to regain power and agency. For me, regaining your sense of control is HUGE in self-care, and she explains where and how you can claim your power.For women especially, but also men need this too (boundary work is HARD for all). Also, her opening story about joining a cult? Riveting.Buy this book, it's well-written, easy to read, and important to act on.

I'll be honest -- I found this book hard to get into at first. That is the only reason that I am giving a 4 star instead of a 5 star review. Even though the author speaks with both personal and professional authority, and also has an engaging writing style, the book was hard to get into at first because the information was just so dense. After a while, though, it became easier to get into. This was when I was actually able to think about what the author was saying in a practical way that I can adapt to my own life.This is the only book of its kind out there, which helps it fill a very needed void in the 'self-care' literature. This examination of what self-care really IS and what it means in our individual lives is absolutely vital, because self-care is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. It is something we each have to examine in the context of our own lives, and create for ourselves. That is a lot harder than using an out of the box solution, but it is phenomenally more useful and rewarding.

Amazing book that provides the tools to build the skills to survive life (mainly as a woman). Reading it once wasn’t enough. I’ll be re-reading this book for years.

I am a social worker and during my graduate internship this book was recommended to me- I highly recommend anyone in the field to read this!! Life changing.

I found this book helpful. The author is credible and open to sharing her personal experiences. It made me rethink what has been marketed to me as self-care. I did skip around the book a bit; not all of it was relevant to me. However, the book resonated with me, and I've already started to adopt some of the advice in my daily life -- especially boundary setting, it's OK to feel two things at once, aim for "good enough." The language was simple and easy to understand, unlike a lot of books written by scientists/psychologists.

Great!

Real Self-Care by Pooja Laxmin is a refreshing take on self-help books that are often too generic or preachy. As someone who usually avoids such books, I was pleasantly surprised by the clarity, honesty, and practicality of this one.One of the strengths of Real Self-Care is that it doesn't pretend to have all the answers or to be a one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, Pooja Laxmin acknowledges the complexity of self-care and the different challenges that women (and men) face in taking care of their mental health. She also distinguishes between real self-care, which involves intentional and sustainable practices that enhance one's well-being, and faux self-care, which can be superficial, temporary, or even harmful.The book is structured in a way that makes it easy to follow and apply the advice. Each chapter covers a specific aspect of real self-care, such as setting boundaries, managing stress, practicing gratitude, and cultivating self-compassion. Within each chapter, Pooja Laxmin offers clear explanations, relevant examples, and practical tips, often backed up by research and her own clinical experience. The language is accessible and engaging, without being overly simplistic or patronizing.What I appreciated most about Real Self-Care is the emphasis on seeking professional help when needed and the guidance on how to do so effectively. Pooja Laxmin acknowledges that self-care is not always enough and that some mental health issues require the expertise and support of trained professionals. She also provides a helpful checklist of what to look for in a therapist or counselor, including credentials, specialties, and personal fit.Overall, Real Self-Care is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to improve their mental health and well-being in a realistic and compassionate way. While it may resonate more with women, I believe that men can also benefit from the insights and strategies offered in the book. Whether you're a seasoned self-helper or a skeptic like me, give Real Self-Care a chance and see how it can make a difference in your life.

I am disappointed in that this book is not anything new